I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
