just survived the first fart of the relationship.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
