wrigley field is MILF paradise
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
sex in a hospital.. check
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize