Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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