Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
