its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
