her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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