i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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