After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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