please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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