I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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