I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Is it penis luge time yet?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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