Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
