We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
