Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
