i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize