I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
