I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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