no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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