he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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