Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
