Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
