whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't want my vagina anymore.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize