Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
