Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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