just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
