So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
