Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
