What a fucking waste of an outfit
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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