You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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