I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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