We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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