Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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