I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
