Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
