I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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