I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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