yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
