I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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