Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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