"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize