Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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