dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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