i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
