She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
