hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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