I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
