U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
