just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
