The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
