I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
