remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
