He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i love accidental penises.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize