It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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