So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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