Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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