My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I smell like Dick and happiness
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
