I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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