sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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