only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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