i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
