You smell like a Billy Joel song
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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