i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
