My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
