I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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