After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
