and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
