i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
third nipple confirmed
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
