Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
